Call rules: tips for successful communication

Whether at school, at a club, at a coffee party or at work: whenever we meet with several people, we meet different characters and behaviors. They can make some communication a challenge: not everyone manages to take it back, others find it difficult to stand up for themselves. So that everything does not end in chaos, it is important to adhere to certain rules of conversation . In the event of conflict, this can smooth out the waves and communicate in time, even preventing conflicts. Which rules of conversation are that and how you use them ...

Conversation rules Communication: Everyone communicates somehow
One can not not communicate - almost everyone knows this probably most famous saying of the Austrian-American communication scientist Paul Watzlawick. Any communication is also part of the behavior , whether we say nothing or how we say something.

How we use our voice, how we work with facial expressions and gestures , all contribute to - in the best case successful - communication. A raised eyebrow can already give a conversation another twist.

Not every communication runs smoothly, various communication models have already tried to fathom why some conversations work well , others - even with mutual sympathy - rather bad.

The communication model of Friedemann Schultz von Thun is one of the best known. He postulates that each message contains four pages : a factual level, a relationship level, a self-disclosure level, and an appeal level.

The problem is that by far not all speakers are aware of these levels and therefore can not respond appropriately. Conversational rules can help to take these levels into account as the participants pay more attention to the matter .

We follow many rules of conversation unconsciously because we have already learned them at school or at home . Others are worth remembering because they have already been forgotten or never taught.

Coming soon: Call rules to go

Everyone gives advice only on request.
Everyone just tries to speak for themselves.
Everyone leaves the other one out.
Everyone gets together as short as possible.
Everyone logs in for speech.
Everyone behaves politely and fairly.
Everyone formulates in I-messages.
Everyone talks, not about people present.
Everyone listens and only speaks when he has the floor.
Everyone avoids insults or insinuations.
Everyone respects the opinions of others.
Everyone justifies his opinion.

Discussion Rules Discussion: Groups are challenging
Larger groups follow different rules than, for example, private conversations. Group dynamic processes are taking place, such as the formation of specific positions (leader, expert, member). These positions already require a certain conversation behavior.

On the one hand, a certain group dynamic is completely normal, on the other hand, depending on the personality of the participants, it can lead to certain points being lost in a conversation.

Clear rules of conversation ensure that a certain balance is created, an exchange in which all participants feel valued. This promotes openness and affects the results.

So that nobody feels overlooked, it makes sense to formulate the rules of conversation together and fix them in writing. Conceivable here is a smartboard or a flipchart, so that the rules of conversation are also visible in the course of the conversation.

This makes it easier to refer to the rules if it becomes apparent that some participants are ignoring them. In principle, it should be clear that all discussion rules apply to all participants, without exception and independent of hierarchy.

Adult Conversation Rules: Rules for Successful Communication
Conversation rules as such, but also the work on it is to a certain extent lived democracy, because the free expression of opinion and the possibility for co-determination is anchored in the Basic Law. It is important to make clear that mistakes are made in communication.

Unresolved conflicts, a false expectation or current difficulties flow into the communication. Fixed rules of conversation help to reflect one's own behavior and to adopt a self-critical attitude. How this works:

Do not give uninvited advice.
Depending on the situation and person, uninvited advice can provoke defiance reactions. They may have the best intentions, but quite a few people feel patronized and not taken seriously enough when they receive feedback without being asked. One possibility as a rule of conversation would be to ask the other person: Would you like to hear my opinion? I spontaneously have a few thoughts on it - are you interested to know what another option looks like?

Do not close to the general public.
It is only a small word, but it has an unfavorable effect: one. For one thing, you and your personal view disappear behind this word. While discussions are not about showing off the ego-centrist, you do not have to hide. On the other hand, phrases with "man" make everything sound like irrefutable laws: you find this and that bad - is that so? Does this really apply to all people or rather to you personally? Watch how often you or other people unnecessarily "I" exchange with "man" and how that affects you.

Make other people talk.
Probably the most important rule of conversation is not to interrupt other people immediately, but to let them finish. This is not always easy, especially if a statement is made that makes you feel directly attacked. Still, it's important that other people get the chance to express their point of view - not everyone can express themselves in an incredibly pointed and polished way. Some critical passages are cleared up when the other person has the opportunity to complete his sentence.

Avoid monologues.
Some people tend to monologize. This is not necessarily malice, but sometimes lack of precision. Make it better by trying to focus on the core message and not lose yourself in secondary locations. So you give other people the opportunity to also contribute to the topic or ask questions. In addition, you prevent fatigue from the opposite.

Sign in for speech.
Even if you are no longer in school and do not have to point your finger: sign up if you have any questions. Maybe the colleague in the meeting accidentally resorted to the slide of the previous year and called wrong numbers? Before new mistakes develop on the basis of false assumptions, it may be useful to intervene early. Nevertheless, do it with the utmost respect: Mr Müller, if I may interrupt you for a moment, it seems to me that data from the previous year were used here ...

Make personal statements instead of asking.
Questions, especially comprehension questions have absolutely their justification in discussions. A rule of conversation should be to use questions only and not to express hidden criticism. Rhetorical questions or packaged allegations are not included, a negative example: Have you ever considered what an effort that entails? Such questions show the others and can be condescending. That's something you want to avoid, so you'd better give direct feedback: I could imagine that because of our past year's experience, the effort will be huge. Already last year we were too short staffed, so a possibility would be ...

Send I-messages.
A classic conversation rule is that you send so-called first messages: I have noticed that it is often forgotten to replenish the toner in the copier. I-messages have the great advantage that your counterpart does not immediately feel offended when you formulate something critical. You messages are automatically accusatory and easily lead to your interlocutor going to the defense. In the worst case, the fronts harden. The coronation is a combination of "always", "constantly" or "never" - so a conversation can only go in the pants. Another rule of conversation should be here to avoid these words whenever possible.

Talk to others directly.
You should involve present colleagues in the conversation. You can do that by talking to them and not over them. Negative example: Mr Schneider is of the opinion that nothing will be done before the end of the year. Better: Mr. Schneider, as I understood you before, you see the time frame too ...

Only speak if you have the floor.
This rule of conversation is actually a matter of course, but sometimes it is also in meetings as in kindergarten: It should, if possible, only one person speak at the same time. There are several reasons for this: First, it is rude to the person who has the floor. On the other hand, a confusion makes it difficult to understand and focus on the conversation partner. Third, what you or another person has to say might be important for the rest of the round as well. But when everyone talks at the same time, that goes under.

Exercise consideration.
Each group has participants who are more willing to contribute and others who are much more reserved. Are you watching your conversation, is there any indication that someone wants to say something but does not dare? A conversation is usually consideration to show himself to redeem at one point or another, and to encourage others to also have the opportunity to express themselves.